TicTicTic

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I had a short errand run on short funds today. It was a nice sunny day I almost slept all the way thru- but bitter cold, especially in the wide open wind. Other folks were there, but never got out of their vehicles...

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I'm brave, tho. Walking out there is one of my fav activities. I'm greatful for having this place, for being able to see, to walk, n to have time to do this every now n then. it always makes me feel better. Out here, I feel I have all the space I need.

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Many of the larger boulders are shifted around from last year, the winter ice has amazing strength with the tidal movement. The seaweed pile has accummulated many more red plants in the past weeks too, I noticed. Many more flocks of birds, including alot of Canadian geese are at this beach now.

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Our town is so broke, they're laying off teachers. I wonder if this place will get any maintainence at all, or revert back to the wild, as it seems to be currently. Time will tell.
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I finally got a few pics with a round sun-setting disk in them on my digi-cam. It's no accident I get alot of these great shots. I live with beautiful surroundings nearby to capture. It helps to feed my soul with wonders of creation, when monetary rewards evade me, because I still feel rewarded.

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Well another week-end edition of SNL n the orig Star Strek has just slid by, n I've just avoided that eight-page state tax form for many hours, by goofing around in all this free-time (messing with the day's new digi-pics). It's fairly chilly in here, n I'm hugging tea-kettle water in a bottle with a mug-handle to chase away the brhh.

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It's time to face the tax-forms again... If only they were art forms!

Gramps I miss you!

Bluff

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Here's the view to the right of the last pic taken from the same spot up on the Bluff.
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I've not been amused lately, n other folks are constantly getting on my case about it.
Just because they want me to smile, doesn't mean I will instantly feel like it. Especially in cases where I've been very stressed out n aggrivated, as I was the last workshift.
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Were I getting paid to pretend (as an actor), I'd give it some effort. Of course, I'd expect decent compensation from that job. I've worked in serving the general public, where even if some one died, you had to keep smiling.
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I don't want to work in that type of situation, so I'm not. But the people are still on my unsmiley face, not realizing it's just making me more aggrivated, n more unhappy! They have no clue how depressed I've been.
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When I'm angry or upset, I just try not to talk at all, so I don't unload my troubles on unsuspecting people who have no clue how tough my life is. I'm much better off if I just don't get started, because I get intensely angry n depressed when I dwell on my situation. I'd rather not discuss it at all- I am really good at compulsively moving to get the work I'm focusing on done instead of talking tho-
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Lately, with all the getting constantly pushed to bluff a happy smile when I'm truelly miserable, I've been applying much effort not to chew people's heads off!
Granted, the folks mean well, but it's grating me the wrong way.
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I'm sick of hearing I need to lighten up. These folks have no clue what I deal with.
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This time every year I get this way. My indoor allergies peak, anniversaries connected to passed on loved ones add on top of Seasonal Affective Disorder (lack of sunshine), pile onto that an overwhelming stack of bills I can't keep up with, n also I'm trying to get tax forms completed on time... I'm too fried to push all that (plus more stuff, like pain) aside to act how I don't feel, just because some one else thinks I should.
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If only they could tell a joke, be sarcastic, or do something silly to react too instead of ordering me to fake "happy-"
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Really, it wouldn't be difficult to be bonafide in a good mood. All it would take is having enough sleep, money, food, heat, good health, n time to do all my art projects n play music, too! Hitting the jackpot in the lottery could do most of the job instantly. (I believe there are many ways to hit the lottery).
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I don't think that's too much to ask for or to hope for. I won't listen to folks who tell me I shouldn't hope for what I want in this lifetime, or that it won't happen because of the slim odds.
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I believe if you think that way, you'll never attain what you do want. Even just dreaming about what I could do once I attain the means to get crackin, gets me into a brighter direction.
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I've been watching the LOR trilogy yet again, to unwind before falling asleep. Besides my fav: "Frodo wouldn't have gotten very far without Sam" quote (remembered fondly from a friend in my teenage years), I also love when Gandelf explains to Pippen before the final battle, "There never was much of a hope, only a fool's hope," for Frodo n Sam to complete the Mount Doom quest.
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The reason the story makes you feel so good, is that the characters all overcome overwhelming odds- In fact, they get so used to fighting in that underdog situation, that becomes a mute fact, because they are determined to win, or else die trying.
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I've been fighting my independence battle quite awhile now, n it's always a struggle to do it all, pay it all, n not give up all I've been working to keep. Because I want to stay here, there's a price I pay for being in a seasonal economy.
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I hope to soon find a way to get out of this dark season in my life, n move ahead to get some real work accomplished with my talents. Until then, I'll always feel the strain of not doing what will make me happy.
It would be nice not to have to bluff at all... but to have the needed hand of cards to play n win.

Happy Ether

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Being oblivious n unaware may be preferable for some, no matter what the excuse. One of the new guys at work's been saying, "I'm Irish!" on a regular basis. I guess that's his best excuse for everything... (Loaded, or what?)

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Well, I grew up raised as a Catholic. Then in my teen years, I learned a great deal about real humanity from my Jewish friends. I'd been more sheltered than I'd realized. My family life was so different from theirs.

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We watched TV, played cards, n board games at our house. They danced, played instruments, and did constructive projects together. I was welcomed into their home-world, n became a regular there on afternoons n week-ends. I became best friends with them. Their influence is why I live where I do, n why I think the way I do.

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As a Catholic, I'd been taught to be Christ-like in treating all others as I would like to be. So I treated these friends with that in mind, they were fellow humans, after all. I learned a great deal about religious tolerance, a lesson even my parents (Catholic married to a Prodestant) had to keep working on through-out their lives. My Mother had whispered to me after meeting my friend, "He's not Christian!" as though it were a horrendous sin... insinuating the fact should bother me-

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I learned no matter your family's beliefs, all folks have the potential to be good to one another. All are allowed to believe what they will. You don't have to believe exactly the same things to get along, or to be ethical. There are good n bad things involved in all belief models.

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At a basic level, however, a person can never change what another truelly believes in their heart.

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Some people don't believe in the role of religion in their lives. Some don't believe there is a ultimate God figure at all. That our lives are a scientific happen-stance, n there are no consequences after death of the lives we lead here.

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At another extreme, there are Christians who profess that those who do not acknowledge Jesus, damn their souls from resurrection. In their opinion, people such as my friends, no matter the wonderfully kind n good people they were, aren't to be tolerated due to their predecessors beliefs, which were taught to them, as were mine. Nor would any other religions not including the Son of God figure-head..

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In our country of the USA, religious tolerance founded our beginnings, n the direction of subsequent law. This is the point of leaving Europe for broader horizons. It is the "why" we are all here.

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I have a great deal of tolerance in differences of opinion, compared to most people around me. I'm not quick to judge or condemn anyone. I believe it's not up to me to decide, that is my (believed) Creator's duty alone. (Were I the Creator, I'd include all the good people in the rewards earned by them, not according to religion, but by their actions).

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It's a shame those not believing in a deity figure, tend to allow more evil into their actions against others for selfish purpose.

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You may've heard, on Good Friday, the Christians most sacred Holy Day, some one in my state went around vandalizing about ten churches with black spray paint, writing "Jesus is dead." n "Jesus never rose again."

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The vandalizing action is an unethical n cruel thing to do. There was no chance of them changing the peoples opinions of faith as they entered into churches. They didn't make a lawn sign n declare the statements on their private property, They ruined others property, caused many folks to be upset, n had a huge audience.

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Everyone's allowed to decide what they believe about Jesus. We all question the possibilites at some point. But no one has the right to tell some one else what they believe, or don't believe.

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If you wish to so preach, you have a right to start on your own soapbox. But what joy is there in upsetting others in performing the expression of their religion? What would compell some one to do such a blatantly disrespectful thing to other people?

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It certainly wouldn't be to save them...

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I hope everyone has a good Passover -Seder, or Hoppy holiday- Easter Sunday, or a non-day, if prefered. You guessed it, I have to work! Someday, I hope to get my holidays back to celebrate again.

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... Now hop along n find the good eggs!

Don't Blink

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You might've missed it. That warm fifty-three degree air which I witnessed through my open truck-window for my ride home at 4:30 am. The arrival of Spring was fleeting, n proved to be only a word, not a fact, just five hours later when another cold snap moved in, with a brisk wind for those bone-chilling sub-z wind-chill temps again.
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At least the past three days of drenching finally cleared up, n the sun was blinking through the cloud banks before sunset during my errand run.
The water here wasn't too bad compared to the midwest where deadly floods picked a new zone to attack this year.
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Seems devasting flooding is becoming a more common occurrence in our country. Like playing Russian roulette, it's a crap shoot who it'll hit next.
Take your choice of weather-related maladies, too hot, too cold, too much precip, too little, wild fires, strong winds, micro-bursts, tornados (even out of season), n storms. No matter your home zone, we've been dealing with weather-related hardships.
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All we can predict is, our circumstances are unpredictable!
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Our cities, towns, n personal budgets too, are all taking a beating. The roads n bridges are a mess. Financial catch-up will be difficult for most.
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The roads are beating on my truck. Potholes around MA are like driving around a land-mine obstacle course. Coming up with fuel n heat bux is tough, never mind new suspension parts. (bouncy ride). I'm so worn out, I don't know how I'll find my way to get more done, but I must.
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My poor arm got run into with an over-tired co-worker's misled metal rack (not again) this week, n I'm glad it can still move, tho it has a deep bruise. I'm also greatful the three-days of precip wasn't snow, n so no shovel was required (Arm says "whew!").
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Now, if I could just shut-off the heat devices to stop running up the bill...
n have enough warmth in here to cure paint properly... I could work on some put-off ideas, n sell a few. Oh well, not today- too busy trying to stay warm again. (It makes the paint dry with unsightly cracks).
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Spring is on the calender day. March is (cliche`) "In like a lion, out like a lamb," (Please). We're past the middle, made it through the Ides again. There's still a need to beware, tho-
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Beware the weather, the conditions, the spending, the tax-man, n the tired people running into us. It's not enough to watch-out for yourself, because usually, you won't see the stuff coming!
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Back to the endless grind...

Past the Jette

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In the summer I'm usually swimming past this place where I took the pic here... Careful not to touch my feet down, because this is where most of the crabs hang out!

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I'm pretty crabby myself -

Six days in a row working, n then only a single day off coming up, on a day I can't sleep. Really, I need a change of exhaustion. More bux to throw the Billy Wolves would help as well. The Electric Sharks are due to collect a k from me in the next month, n if they don't, my machine may not light-up for awhile until they eat the required money to keep them at bay. They're always money-hungry.

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Wow, I'm just too tired! If only the economy could suddenly perk-up, n let my hard work pay off so I could get some rest- The way is getting way too rocky to navigate-

Now to prepare for day six-in-a-row...

Water Marks

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Will Persistance pay off today?
Will this post go smoothly, like the sea-swept sand, or has the constant, aggitation action just created yet again more ripples?
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This is my third try for the third day to put up these pics. Stuff keeps having errors, n doesn't want to co-operate to accomplish the task before it's time to get on with retiring for the next round of work.
It's been so long, I almost forgot what I was gonna do, here!
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I've been not well for the past several weeks. I managed to catch a cold-virus thing on-top-of the reaction I was already dealing with. This time of year tends to be pretty bad allergy-wise every year anyhow, due to the dust accumulation. I can't wait to get the windows open again, n get spring-cleaning done. My sinuses are having a party, n I'd like to throw them out to get some quiet... Then there's the sore throat, the rash, the swelling, the food tasting bad, soup, more soup, tea, more tea,...
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Of course, none of this has stopped me from going to work. Then the boss guy decides to be nice to me, n gives me my first two days off in a row since November! But I didn't find out until the day before. I was sick, my paycheck wasn't cleared yet, n I was broke (rent time). It was spring ahead week-end, n the rain had a wash-out festival. I could hear a loud motor going most of the day. I'd decided to stay in to be dry (plus no coat with a hood to wear). I didn't get to do much at all. I'm still not better yet, either.
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The bowl-shaped trailer park down the hill got pumped out from flooding- which was all the noise I'd heard. I saw it on the evening news! My little spruce tree in a barrel took a digger out on the deck n is now fairly flat on one side. Poor thing- Can't seem to get it to stop tipping over. Time for a larger-base container. It's already in eighty pounds of soil! I don't wanna know what it'll be like getting it down-stairs someday-
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Lately I just want to sleep in my free time. I'm so deprived lately, n it's time to recover. But I really have to keep pushing myself to come up with all the bill bux, because I get no paid time off- Now, I'm in the middle of a longer than usual work stretch, n next day-off is unknown.
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The day after the big rains, I went to my fav, sea-weedy beach n took these shots. Alot has washed off the beach. The storm left a high-tide erosion mark all the way up to the parking lot! The tide was so low when I was there, the jette was all the way out of the water, n I walked around the end of it, which I haven't done before... That was my local field trip (affordable fun) for the week.
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Now back to a few zzz's n a longer work-week... (right after I remember to edit on the title, duh!)

Orbs Galore

At the Ghost Mysteries and it's affilliated websites listed on my sidebar, I've noticed alot of posted orb pictures. It's a strange, more common recently phenomenon, which has occurred more often with the use of digital photography.
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Each orb tends to be of different size, brightness, n internal shape features. Some appear like faces in a bubble, almost as if someone is peering at us through a portal-window, or as if there are entities floating among us in small circles of energy.
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The cause of this usually, but not exclusively digi-pic occurrence is up for a physics debate. Some choose to believe it's purely a spiritual cause, while some could be formed due to reflections of refracted light from objects being photographed, dirt on the lens, or added in photoshop.
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Location seems key in the discovery of these in pics. They occur more in some places, than others, n near certain individuals more than others, I've noticed.
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My new digi-cam has given me many unexpected surprizes. This past week my big Sis n Niece were visiting MA from FL, n I had occassion to take alot more indoor, flash-photography shots. You guessed it, I've discovered many orbs in my pics! Some are faint, some are bright, some have faces, some are large, n some are tiny.

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In one of the group-shots taken, I can count five in one pic alone! Two locations, a bar in the city, n a house nearby have been prolific, with orbs appearing in almost every shot. So I went around in my apt as an experiment a few nights ago, n found a few more.

I've begun an orb collection of my own this past week. I wonder if they'd appear different under 8-mgpxl closer scrutiny? I'd like to hear from other folks if they've been getting orbs in their digi-pics as a common experience also.
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Have you found these in yours?

4 Whom The Bell Tolls

Why? What is the meaning of life? Of surviving other's early death?

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I wonder why we end up working where we do, adding to our view of who we are. Why is it so easy to work with some folks, n others bug the bejeebas out of you no matter what?

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One of my co-workers called in Dead to work today. I found out about a half-hour after going in the door. Why that one?

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Just yesterday at work I was helping his wife to set stuff up before the end of their shift. He'd been running an important head-of-the-line role for about a year now. It's a physically demanding position. I remember when he first started, I'd worked with him often.

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He was a heavy-set n very strong guy. I'd never occassion to be bothered by anything he'd done. (You better believe there've been plenty of folks there who've driven me nuts)! He was easy-going, kind, n helpful.

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He was in his early-thirties, the father of three, n mysteriously passed away in his sleep. His poor wife! What a shocking way to awaken! ("Honey, Honey? NOoo-!") How do you recover from such a thing?

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In the late nineties, a man of only thirty-six I'd known since my childhood passed on in a similar fashion, without any apparent cause. Perhaps it was a brain hemmorrage, or a burst anyorism, or heart failure, n perhaps we'll never know.

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I think it's probably easier for the mind to come to grips with the fact of an accidental death. At least you can point to a direct cause of the deed, even if you can't figure out why it had to happen to them...

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This young person with no apparent reason stuff is hard to digest. So many of my other co-workers are just about that age. Aside from feeling the loss of a work buddy, you know they're all thinking, "That could happen to me!" It's just plain scary to contemplate...
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Because, as my reaction on hearing the tragic news was to state, "It just goes to show, you never know."

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Life is short for the good.

There doesn't appear to be rhyme or reason to the harvest of souls. The hardship endured by survivors is immeasurable. N the lessons learned are forever. Take no one for granted.

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Don't ask if you're next, (assume you are).

Of course, I'm so miserable lately, I'll prob live forever- I already have compared to that guy!

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God rest his soul, n care for his family.