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So either you decide to be transparent or hide the more important stuff...
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Sometimes I become a bit paranoid of my personal security n so usually err on the side of caution. Decidedly it's not as much fun as just blastin my guts out could be. Also, I'm so busy trying to stay "safe" that I have less fun than most folks.
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An arguement could be made that I keep a good poker face. Folks often have no clue what's going on in my head. If I have a gripe, or big problem I'm not explaining, usually it's because not only do I not want to spread more misery around, but it's not good to keep dwelling on negatives.
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I try to project more positive in hopes of collecting more of it back in my reality.
There's times when I'm so miserable, I fight to find anything positive to share. Sometimes it's amazing the games we can play to stay amused with life.
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Some gripes with folks are easy to relay, such as landlord, money, time, n work complaints. Others are of more a touchy subject n more personal. These usually have to do with personal relationships, mistakes, or embarrassing moments.
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I've been wandering through a confusing personal maze of possible new relationships which has me almost at a stalemate of inaction. There's a large conflict between what I want n what I shouldn't do according to others..
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One night at work awhile back I got out early to go to Jury Duty the following morning. I pretended to get ticked off n quit, for the sake of faking people out. I can be a good actor when I'm committed to my role. The managers knew I wasn't quiting, n knew what I was doing. Then I was out when I was listed to be in on the schedule the following day.
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The look on faces when they walked in n saw me there again (I was openning) was quite amusing! A few must've bemoaned my loss as I know I've done for hard-working friends who've moved on...
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The totally unexpected by-product of my performance was when they'd realized they hadn't lost me forever after all, some of the dudes suddenly stopped holding back what they'd been wanting to say. They wouldn't understand I'd wanted to say, "Get in line n take a number!" Also they seem to be unfamilar with normal work fraternization edicate.
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Before they realized I was learning their language a bit, I'd witnessed dozens of heated conversations as though I had nothing to do with what my choice was.
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Nothing remotely like this has ever happened to me before. Now weeks later, I'm afraid any positive or negative response given to parties involved will be taken wrong n possibly hurt people's feelings to the point of starting a fist-fight or quiting! Even my poker face last week was taken wrong by some one I like, when I'm simply trying not to demonstrate favoritism between the warring factions.
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I wish there was a new job to go to where I could easily go out with one of them without dancing around the rest of them... but there isin't. If I could, "the winner" would indeed proudly boast about it, sticking the other's noses in the poop, I'm sure. Here I am again at "No One Wins, with No Where to Go."
My mistake, working n making friends... Playing my silly game...
...As if that's not embarrassing enough, becoming the hot topic of the entire factory in Portuguese, n they think you can't understand, as they talk right next to you about you... There's more! Granted, I won't report everything until the actual book is published....
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As I was hurrying along my way to do needed machine feeding at various ends of the room this week, a manager was making a repair with a wheeled rig at an angle to the walk-space where it usually isin't placed. I turned to squeeze through n a crank-handle caught on my rear jeans-pocket, ripping a huge T-cut over my right-butt. Luckily, only the manager saw the open-flap-section before I quickly tucked in a T-shirt to cover the skin.
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Now every chance he gets he sternly instructs me to be careful with my pants!
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How do you say, "What color are her underwear?" in Portuguese?
- Que cor são a sua roupa de baixo?
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I hope you were amused with my true weblog story -
4 Comments:
Snag - Sometimes letting personal stuff out frees up your mind. But I know what you mean. There are some things I'll never write about on JBI. Good luck sewing the pants. ;)
Peace & Hugs,
- Neo
Neo, I'm still hiding many details, but this one was too good not to share! The Patch will be about 8"x4"... the whole pocket almost came off...
I don't bring many of my things to bear either.
I lost a shoe to a rock crusher once. They used to call me Shoebacka.
Hi Janus, That's a Star-Warsy nick-name, at least! Must've been tough getting through the day shoe-less, too!
In my case I had a bunch of guys trying to get a look at my butt all day...
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