Saturday, November 29, 2008

The 29th

I awoke after an odd dream today, myself. It didn't occur to me to write about it here, until I read another blog with strange dreams cited. I do a good job of pushing aside my feelings associated with this day. I do a heckofa job keeping many personal details off this blog in the name of anonymity. Then, there's the list of priorities which I should get to instead of doing this...
In an earlier dream, about a year ago, I had visited a memorial of many names. In the dream I found one space was devoted to my paternal gramps, who I miss terribly. Thanksgiving was always the time he traveled south for the winter (from Northern Maine) to spend several months at our house while I was growing up. Thanksgiving always has me thinking of him. In today's dream, I was revisiting the same memorial, n thought I'd be able to find Gramps space in the same spot. Wrong! It wasn't there, the memorial had been "upgraded" with additions. The name had been moved, so I searched n searched aisle after aisle, name by name. Finally I found a sign indicating the aphabetized section the name should be found in. Still no space like the last seen was found. My brother n his kids walked up the same Aisle, turned, said "Yup!" Then turned n left without helping me find it. I noticed a small alcove in the wall where he'd been. There were many pendants hanging up with small, typed, name labels under them, which I could barely read. Then I saw his tiny typed name under a small, black pendant on the small, crowded space, which was full of other pendants. It hardly seemed worth the pilgrimage.
When I woke up, I realized it was strange to be looking for a Gramps memorial, when in reality, this day is the anniversary of my Mother's death. In the year 2000 we lost her this evening to disease. I've only visited the burial site of my parents a few times since they've both been gone. The thought of it being too late to visit the cemetary on the way back to the Cape from Turkey dinner up in Metro West had briefly occurred to me during my ride home. I knew my mother had made a point to visit the site of her parents markers each time she visited her old home town. I almost never think of doing that.
I'm not big on visiting gravesites. I feel the influence n love of my parents being carried along with me, so don't feel I have to be there to connect with those feelings. But sometimes, it's a challenge to remember exactly how to find the sites I've been shown in the past, n so It's a challenge of mapping my way to the destination. When the landscape keeps changing, it can be tough after years of avoiding the place.
I'd once been shown the family graves up in Maine, but missed Gramps getting buried in the spring after the ice thawed, so I understand that I'd have to really search for it to finally see it when I ever get up there again. Why I would be thinking of him in my subconscious instead of my mother is perplexing to me!

This is a scan of an ancient Photograph from my past puter files. I'd just turned three that Holiday season in Taunton, MA. That's my Mom carving the turkey, n Big Sis with the smile. I was looking at my Dad's new cam over my brother's head, of course.
This pic was taken well before Gramps had a need to go south for the frozen season. Lil Sis was still on the way. It was just before they bought the house in Metro West where so many grand holidays were spent even with my children growing up.
So much time has passed. Now my grown children resemble this tired, hard working Mom getting their kids plates filled. The cycle of life keeps turning. The memories are more fond than sad now. This young, strong, devoted woman is the mind-picture of my Mother I choose to prefer over her older, after Dad passed on phase.
I'm really good at pushing these sentimental moments to a very private spot where no one hears about them. My dream told me today, tho, to put up a public memorial for her here to find.
Voila, ma Mere. Il et ici. Pacis.


At 4:49 PM, Blogger Jannie Funster said...

What an incredible post.

What a sad lot of passings-on you have known in your life.

So eloquently you have described the cycle of life and I think the fond way you remember your mom is obviously a deep testament to your character, faith and spirit.

Both my grandfathers were dead long before I was born and maybe my memories of them would be like the deep one you have shared here about your dad's dad. I guess thinking of him more than your mom is perhaps from the relationsip you now have with your own grand-kids and you are more aware of the full cycle, and of course you are the one who did the Thanksgiving trek this year.

The photo is just too cute! Such a great time-capsule, Blondie.


At 3:26 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

JanF, Thankyou for your compliment. My list of passings is longer than you realize, n gives me resolve n determination. Very keen observation about the relationship parallel I'd not thought of- I think you're right!
I haven't been cheerful in awhile-
btw- her name was Jan!

At 4:02 PM, Blogger Milk Brain said...

I noticed in the photo how much BBM looks like you!! Hadn't realized it before. Me? i'm just a weirdo.. i don't think I look like you or dad.

At 11:03 PM, Blogger David Edward said...

"so much time has passed".... indeed!

may your dreams be sources of comfort, and bring peace and health to your busy mind.

I had TWO more whoppers... must be the Meds....

At 3:04 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

MB, I think you look like your paternal Grandfather Roy the most. He died after BBM was born. One of his other grandkids was a towhead also (Glen). There's a pic somewhere-

David, Thanks for the dream-calming effect. May your dreams become sources of inspiration n joy for you, also!

At 3:38 AM, Blogger flleenie said...

I have never seen that picture before. It is obviously a pre-Eileen photo, which is cool.

Mom died on November 30th...

At 3:40 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

Fleen, I sent a copy of this one to my big sis for xmas a couple years ago. At that point I was still the baby-
Did you miss the part about staying anonymous?

At 12:53 AM, Blogger Buddy T. Doxie said...

I just love reading hooman's storey's of there childhood, Sometimes it makes me want to be hooman.. lol & I am soo happy to have met you as I know how much you like fer.. lol and I have to go but see you again soon... Buddy,Lucy,Rocko & "Pal"

At 3:59 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

Buddy, I like your doggies stories too!


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