Saturday, April 08, 2006

Tax-Time

original computer-painted image by Snaggle Tooth

While I've been pecking away a few hours at a time every other day or so to read n fill-in all the forms due to get back a couple bux (of the interest-free loan I gave the IRS in 2005) I can't believe I'm still not done! I'd better finish-up this week-end.

So this week's posting will be light...

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Working late-nights is beginning to take it's toll. I've also been putting in over-time (until 3 am) the past couple of weeks. I haven't visited with any one since MB's visit, n I'm way too busy playing catch-up with everything to even consider it yet.

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Construction out the kitchen window finally stopped, just to begin at the other end of my little street. (More Drainage at the water's edge) What is sleep? I find even if I go back to sleep for just five minutes, I'll have a mini-dream! Of course, REM isin't supposed to do that, but I'm a bit sleep-deprived lately, n I swear it happens to me, whether or not science claims it can... (I always dream in color, too). I haven't had any relaxing rest in many weeks!

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My mood's been a bit down, with all the problems taxing my soul as what I can do about it doesn't seem sufficient to find a way beyond the troubles. I need more time to write, to read, to paint, n to play music. These things shouldn't always be on the end of my long list like they've been lately. They are likely what will pull me back out of the bill-pit, if I can ever find the time n energy again. All these things that make me my unique self keeps me infused with the will to rise above the obstacles and continue to try to succeed with sufficient income from it. My taxed n tired state has added to the melancholy of my current moodiness.
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I recently again acknowledged the anniversaries of my Dad's death n birthday the past two months. Though it's been 15 years since The Big "C" took him off-world, the pain of missing him stays the same. I like n do so many things just because he used to. I'll wear un-matched clothes or plaid shirts, watch certain movies n shows (like Star-Trek n sports) say stupid joke remarks, putter, talk to myself, n make small-talk with strangers all for that reason. There's just no replacement for folkz sometimes though...
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On that same death anniversary, a Bar-n-Grille place where I'd met a loved friend who passed away 23 years ago, burnt to a cinder. Another important memory left to fried brain-cells with nothing concrete to comfort my loneliness. Now I can't drive by without tearing up as I see the charred remains. I'm not doing well at holding myself together in this exhausted state lately...

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Note: I always try to avoid using the word (Can---) because I believe that words have power, n think it's bad projection of negativity. How strange others think I am with this, I know...

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I've got a long list of folkz I pray for, n for the most part, it works like magic. Since January I've added in two extended inlaw-clan members I've known since childhood, who are dealing with health issues. Just last night I learned one of them, who's been fighting with the Big Breast "C" diagnosed very recently, just got dealt a glancing-blow card Thursday. Test results this week revealed she's already in stage-4, not a good place to be.

She's gone from the positive mind-set of beating it to hoping to just contain it a bit longer with more slice n dice. They're saying it's spread already. I'm praying the docs are wrong. Further biopsies on internal organs are to follow in a few weeks.

This girl truelly deserves a fighting chance!

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This really hits way down, old-home for me. She's a wonderful woman with a young n beautiful daughter. She's 1 year younger than me. We used to walk home from school together at times- No matter all the baloney we put up with in the "Nun School," she always cheered me up n had a good attitude.

Then her big sis married my big Bro.

Her name is the same as her mom's, n very similar to my sis's name, n many a time at large family gatherings we all got confused over who was being hailed. Now it looks as though many more Hail Mary's are in order...
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So forgive my melancholy state, I usually stay way more positive on posts. I'm having trouble staying positive on this one. It's tough to even think tax-forms at all! But I know I must. After Monday night work, I have to get up early am (when I usually sleep) for jury duty in another town Tuesday. Don't wanna know how tired I'll feel next week! So in case I don't blog-read n comment til next week-end, ya know why...

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One good thing is that it's finally raining n pouring here today, n we really needed the rain so the plants will spring forth with green (n pollen). I just wish it wasn't also reflective of my involuntary mood.

Remember the power of words...

14 Comments:

At 1:05 PM, Blogger Milk Brain said...

oh god.. that is terrible news.. i did pray for her at church this morning after i read your news! i hope that she can get through this! things like this always happen to the people that don't deserve it.

cheer up yourself.. i know it's hard to do, but atleast enjoy the sun for a little while.

don't worry i didn't forget about your thin mints... just haven't had the chance to run to the post office! hopefully tomorrow i will send them out... i've gotta get a well over due oil change and evan will be at grams house, so it'll be my chance!

take care

 
At 6:31 PM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

Hi MB, I'm still not over reading that journal page D&J sent us. I did a Sunday Prayer session for her too. Baby James came over n we played out side, it was sunny at least, a bit chilly, tho- That helped my mood a bit.
I haven't got my oil change yet either! I'm trying, really!

 
At 9:40 PM, Blogger Ellen said...

When it rains, it pours, and I hate to see it sadden you. I will include your friend in my prayers, and hope that she will recover as well.

It's difficult to find rest when you are burning candles at both ends... I've been doing it for awhile now myself, and am so over-tired. As far as the mini-naps, I do the same thing and get those quickie dreams. Let's face it, we both have one over on science on this one.

Take care, and get those tax forms done.... we'll wait for the posts whenever you're ready to write.

~xo

 
At 12:46 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

Hi Ellen, thanks, She needs all the prayers she can get!
I think we're far more knowledgeable than narrow-thinking scientists....
Back online to download yet another needed publication! This year's file is pretty deep!

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger X said...

I send you hugs! I hope that everything works out and that everyone is as healthy as can be! Docs can be wrong sometimes, so don't lose hope.

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger Jinsane said...

Snags: I've also been in the same mood as you lately. I get these sudden urges to just break down in tears. You are such a positive force, you have to believe that things will get better.

I'll add your friend to my prayer list....right behind you!

XO

 
At 12:59 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

K, Thanks! Hugs back... That's pretty much what I wrote to her- She is a fighter, too!

Jen, thanks for the commiseration, guess I'm not that alone here in misery, after all... I do really appreciate the prayers! I hope it makes a difference for her, quite a few folks are workin on it

 
At 4:33 AM, Blogger Neo said...

Snag - I'm feeling ya. It's 4:30am, and I should be sleeping but I had to take a nap when I got home tonite, and now I'm wound up.

I agree creative types like us need to create, not be bogged down in BS forms and drama. I know where you're coming from.

Sorry to hear about your friend. Seems the good one's always get the shaft. And it really sucks. With all the murderers in the world you'd think God would pluck them out before the good people. It never makes sense.

Good luck trying to get some rest. As always you're in my prayers.

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

 
At 2:53 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

Neo, I've been wound tight all week now, n always still up at 4! I know ya understand the need to do artwork n music- n it's Fri am n still stuck on forms!
Ya, the best ones get plucked like the best flowers...

 
At 4:51 PM, Blogger David Edward said...

hey snaggle, praying for you this rainy afternoon in calif. life's road is full of potholes, but at least you know it leads somewhere better. keep checking your map, and do not allow yourself to drive in cirlcles, or to U turn. Peace

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

Thanks David, I appreciate your prayers n the wonderful metaphor. Apparently, I'm still trying to figure out where the "x" is supposed to be...

 
At 1:19 AM, Blogger David Edward said...

blessed easter

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

thanks, D, the best to you also!

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

I just tried to post a quick Easter thing, n Blogger isin't showing it at the site yet, though it's listed in my post edit list...
no time to play today, back to the state forms...

 

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