Tax-Time

While I've been pecking away a few hours at a time every other day or so to read n fill-in all the forms due to get back a couple bux (of the interest-free loan I gave the IRS in 2005) I can't believe I'm still not done! I'd better finish-up this week-end.

So this week's posting will be light...

...

Working late-nights is beginning to take it's toll. I've also been putting in over-time (until 3 am) the past couple of weeks. I haven't visited with any one since MB's visit, n I'm way too busy playing catch-up with everything to even consider it yet.

...

Construction out the kitchen window finally stopped, just to begin at the other end of my little street. (More Drainage at the water's edge) What is sleep? I find even if I go back to sleep for just five minutes, I'll have a mini-dream! Of course, REM isin't supposed to do that, but I'm a bit sleep-deprived lately, n I swear it happens to me, whether or not science claims it can... (I always dream in color, too). I haven't had any relaxing rest in many weeks!

...

My mood's been a bit down, with all the problems taxing my soul as what I can do about it doesn't seem sufficient to find a way beyond the troubles. I need more time to write, to read, to paint, n to play music. These things shouldn't always be on the end of my long list like they've been lately. They are likely what will pull me back out of the bill-pit, if I can ever find the time n energy again. All these things that make me my unique self keeps me infused with the will to rise above the obstacles and continue to try to succeed with sufficient income from it. My taxed n tired state has added to the melancholy of my current moodiness.
...
I recently again acknowledged the anniversaries of my Dad's death n birthday the past two months. Though it's been 15 years since The Big "C" took him off-world, the pain of missing him stays the same. I like n do so many things just because he used to. I'll wear un-matched clothes or plaid shirts, watch certain movies n shows (like Star-Trek n sports) say stupid joke remarks, putter, talk to myself, n make small-talk with strangers all for that reason. There's just no replacement for folkz sometimes though...
...

On that same death anniversary, a Bar-n-Grille place where I'd met a loved friend who passed away 23 years ago, burnt to a cinder. Another important memory left to fried brain-cells with nothing concrete to comfort my loneliness. Now I can't drive by without tearing up as I see the charred remains. I'm not doing well at holding myself together in this exhausted state lately...

...

Note: I always try to avoid using the word (Can---) because I believe that words have power, n think it's bad projection of negativity. How strange others think I am with this, I know...

...

I've got a long list of folkz I pray for, n for the most part, it works like magic. Since January I've added in two extended inlaw-clan members I've known since childhood, who are dealing with health issues. Just last night I learned one of them, who's been fighting with the Big Breast "C" diagnosed very recently, just got dealt a glancing-blow card Thursday. Test results this week revealed she's already in stage-4, not a good place to be.

She's gone from the positive mind-set of beating it to hoping to just contain it a bit longer with more slice n dice. They're saying it's spread already. I'm praying the docs are wrong. Further biopsies on internal organs are to follow in a few weeks.

This girl truelly deserves a fighting chance!

...

This really hits way down, old-home for me. She's a wonderful woman with a young n beautiful daughter. She's 1 year younger than me. We used to walk home from school together at times- No matter all the baloney we put up with in the "Nun School," she always cheered me up n had a good attitude.

Then her big sis married my big Bro.

Her name is the same as her mom's, n very similar to my sis's name, n many a time at large family gatherings we all got confused over who was being hailed. Now it looks as though many more Hail Mary's are in order...
...

So forgive my melancholy state, I usually stay way more positive on posts. I'm having trouble staying positive on this one. It's tough to even think tax-forms at all! But I know I must. After Monday night work, I have to get up early am (when I usually sleep) for jury duty in another town Tuesday. Don't wanna know how tired I'll feel next week! So in case I don't blog-read n comment til next week-end, ya know why...

...

One good thing is that it's finally raining n pouring here today, n we really needed the rain so the plants will spring forth with green (n pollen). I just wish it wasn't also reflective of my involuntary mood.

Remember the power of words...