Thursday, December 26, 2013

Be Merry

Image by SnaggleTooth Dec 2013

Much intro-
spection for me this holiday... Been awhile since serious writing time was plunked down in ESR, mainly due to time constraints.

Probably I shouldn't be sleeping with the news sound on in the BG. Maybe it influenced the subject matter... Another dream that I died happened just before I awoke Xmas Eve day.

Every time I have one of these episodes in my subconscious, I become aware that I'm about to involuntarily bite it. There always comes a moment of feeling surrender n helplessness.
I think that's the worst part of these dream experiences, n perhaps of actual, unexpected death psychology. 

Then after I awake, I feel in mourning for myself, as tho a loved one has just died. This intense dream thing has been happening to me at odd times all thoughout my life.

Dream dictionaries claim they may herald a rebirth of some kind... Myself, I'm not sure what they mean. But they always remind me I don't get to pick when I'll have to go.

Image by SnaggleTooth Dec 2013
This particular dream had me in an apartment with several other folks which was almost clear of furniture n newly carpeted. There was talk heard from the next room that tornadoes were nearby, n we should evacuate. We looked to the left out the window, n could see a large tornado bearing down on us, n turned to exit- but sudden, heavy gravity of air pressure froze us where we were, unable to move, being pushed down. 
I saw the carpeted floor quickly rush up in my vision, the moment of knowing I was now surrendering my life where I'd stood a moment before thinking I'd get time to move to a safer spot.
Merry Eve! 

On Sunday. I'd woke up n for the first time on the WB channel, watched Disney's animated A Christmas Carol with a Jim Carey like Scrooge. It must be an old film now to be on network TV. As I proceeded to get ready for work, it got me thinking some deep thoughts about my life.

Like the difference between Christmas Past n Present for me, n what I want to see in my Christmas future.

The Christmas Eve Parties my Mother threw for us each year were huge in comparison to what I get to do now. At some point I'd like a place where everyone can stay over n have a pile of gifts, plus pay for take-out Chinese food dinner for 20 also- but it seems unlikely to ever happen.

That Scrooge movie also had me assessing my life in terms of what folks might say about me in event of my death, if it were to happen at this point. 

I'm not pleased about my answers, n until I get to do more of what I consider to fulfill my creative mission in life, I won't be. 

What morbid stuff to be preoccupied with for Christmas... 

Photo by SnaggleTooth Dec 2013
Then there's my opinion-
ated, societal observation of what's generally wrong with commercialized Christmas: This holiday has become a day of teaching guiltless, self-indulgence to our children, which must then be unlearned!

For Xmas Day I got alot of rest n quiet, inbetween some house puttering, eating bites of chocolate all day, making lasagna, n a chocolate cream, banana, n mousse pie I'm about to sample with whipped cream on top. I feel a ton heavier in these two days of self-indulgence tasting! Luckily work will kick my butt in shape again tomorrow.

I'm so lucky- must've been psychic in my shopping this year- Altho I go near the Target store close to work alot, I haven't shopped there since last winter- Whew! So many folks are having a prob with stolen card info from Target this holiday. At least I don't have to deal with that, I've enough on my mind already...
"Be Merry" is what I wrote in the candy pile paper wrapper I left out at work for everyone. I had trouble following my own advice tho!


At 5:59 AM, Blogger LL Cool Joe said...

I think this time of year makes us aware of both the good and the bad, and I really wish people would remember why we celebrate this time of the year.

Here in the UK it's Boxing Day today, I don't think you celebrate it in the US do you?

Anyway I hope you enjoyed what you could on Christmas Day.

At 10:26 AM, Blogger Jannie Funster said...

Yes, I agree with the rebirth assessment of dreams like that. Some part of us has to die to make room for new stuff. Still, it's unsettling, and feels so real.

Wow, your mama sounded like a party maven! And now I'm craving Chinese. And lasagne. Kelly got 2 presents from us -- a pair of Uggs, pre-owned off eBay, and an iTunes giftcard. We totally lucked out with the boots, they are practically new, but instead of paying the $180 they retail for we got 'em at $61, landed! We try to focus on the activities of Christmas, rather than the material stuff. Of course, these years money's tight anyway, so we have no choice. But really -- who needs the STUFF?!!

Happy boxing day!


At 2:47 AM, Blogger Granny Annie said...

Sometimes my dreams around the holiday season can so invade my memory that I start to think they are part of the events. Tornadoes would be easy to believe in since we actually have a lot of them.

Presence at Christmas is much more valuable than presents:) My best gifts this year came in the form of the loving warmth of friends and family.

You are one that I wish for the most joy in the season.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger TALON said...

This season seems built for introspection. I'm sorry those dreams are so unsettling, Snaggle. We've never been big on the commercialism of the holiday season...treasure isn't found in packages under a tree. But I do love the opportunity to touch base with family members we haven't seen in ages...and reflect on all those happy childhood memories even as I miss those who used to crowd around the holiday dinner table. Wishing you a wondrous 2014, Snaggle!

At 11:30 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

LLcoolJ, I always thought the practice of Goodwill toward others in honor of the king's birth took prescedence over gluttony.
No Boxing day here- Wonder what it is? Xmas Day was quiet.

Jannie, Still have no idea what is renewing here! My Mother is a very tough act to follow- She did so much, n on the cooking front also. Of course she never had to work on holidays like me. Kids always get the gift attention here, n adults get fewer things. My mother had at least 5 things for everyone, 5 kids, spouses, n 10 grandkids! We just can't do that. Cool that you found a stylish boot bargain.
Wonder if there's a bell, gloves, n round one coming up?

Gran Annie, I just had no idea that was hiding in my brain now- n still wondering why. There have been recent tornadoes in the news, but not around here, n one kills a Clark Kent's Dad in The Man Of Steel film I watched recently. I've worked 6 Xmas days in a row until this year- Went to a party Xmas Eve, n had nothing to do on the day- but really did need rest, n made some good treats. Thanks for your wish!

Talon, The Xmas Carol thing fried my brain! as it's suposed to- I think. I'm not impressed with expensive stuff n alot of glitz, but usually get things I can really use. I do spend alot of time thinking of the old times n missing everyone. I had a very quiet day. Thanks for the wish.

At 3:25 PM, Blogger Lynn said...

That dream sounds scary - I would feel disturbed by that, too.

So sorry to be late wishing you a Merry Christmas - sounds like you got some good eating in there.

Like Granny Annie - I wish you joy in the coming year, Snaggle.

At 4:44 AM, Blogger Snaggle Tooth said...

Lynn, Not a great mood lifter dream- n not the first time. It's a recurring subject. Thanks for the late holiday wish. I think I ate too much actually, n there's still cookies BBM made me, n candy... I'm due for a better year, thanks!


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